95bFM ‘Soften up Bro’ aims to raise awareness for men's mental health
13 June, 2025
Interview by Max Micheel, adapted by Alyssa Ramos
Co-founder of the men’s mental health campaign ‘Soften Up Bro’, Heemi Kapa-Kingi, shares how we can counter the long-term harm of the ‘harden up’ mentality amongst men.
As men’s mental health week in Aotearoa continues, conversations on moving away from toxic masculinity are gaining traction with movements like ‘Soften Up Bro’ coming to the spotlight.
Rooted in te ao Māori, the campaign started five years ago with co-founders Heemi Kapa-Kingi and John Kinney. At the time, both were struggling with their mental health but were able to find comfort in opening up to one another.
This movement is designed to challenge toxic masculinity and help tāne across Aotearoa reconnect with their emotions in a safe and supportive space.
‘Soften Up Bro’ co-founder and Māori clinical psychology researcher at the University of Auckland, Heemi Kapa-Kingi, told 95bFM’s The Wire that this movement counters the ‘harden up’ mentality; a mindset that has taught men to suppress emotions, often leading to isolation, outbursts, and in severe cases, suicide.
“The reason why I think the ideology of ‘harden up bro’ is so unhelpful is that it denies us our true selves; it denies us the whole emotional experience that we do have as normal functioning human beings,” he says.
Kapa-Kingi says the movement has since become a series of wānanga and workshops that equip men with emotional tools and community.
He adds that ‘Soften Up Bro’ uses Māori values in its approach, grounded in healing through tikanga and kōrero. Through this, it creates a space of relatability for Māori men to be vulnerable and reflect.
“[This] give[s] them the permission, give[s] them some tools and then put[s] them on their way to create that change for themselves and inside their whānau and friends,” Kapa-Kingi says. “It's also giving the tāne that come into these spaces the tools to also hold space for others, which has been a big part of our teachings”.
Kapa-Kingi says ‘softening up’ requires honesty, introspection, and enquiring with yourself why, and what, feelings are coming up.
He says this kōrero has a huge impact on tāne heading forward.
“Tāne walk away with a newfound strength or a newfound confidence to do the things that we've done inside our own wānanga and apply them to their own friend circles, which is really the change that we're looking for.”
“It's not the six hours that they might be with us for the day, it's the remaining hours for the rest of their life that we want to influence.”
He calls for men who are struggling with their mental health to reflect and journal to start to understand themselves, where some emotions “might be labelled as anger, but it might be frustration. It might be labelled as sadness, but it's actually grief”.
